Corporate lesson 1:
A man enters the shower, while his wife just finishes hers, when
the outer doorbell rings. The woman quickly wraps a towel around herself
and runs to open it. Bob is standing outside – the neighbor. Before she said a word,
he suggests “I will give you 800$ if you take off that towel!”. After thinking about
moment, the woman took off her towel and stood naked in front of Bob. Seconds later
he handed it to her 800$ and you left. The woman wrapped herself up again and returned to
“Who was it?” – her husband asked. “Bob – the neighbor” – she replied.
“Great!”, said the man, “Did you mention anything about the $ 800?, which he owes me?”
Business lesson: If you share important information with your shareholders in time,
relating to credit and risk, you could avoid exposure.
Corporate lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun to take her to the monastery. In one >moment,
she crossed her legs, so that one of her legs was exposed. The father almost
crashed. After mastering the car, he ran his hand lightly over his leg
and. “Father, recall Psalm 129” – said the nun. The priest
withdrew his hand. But a little later, while changing gears, he again
put his hand on her leg. “Father, recall Psalm 129” – she said
the nun again. “Forgive my carnal weakness, sister” – the father apologized.
After arriving at the monastery, the nun returned. The priest
he quickly ran to the church to look at the Psalm 129. The same read: “Come on
forward and search, up you will find prosperity.”
Business lesson: If you are not well informed in your profession, you risk to
miss great opportunities.
Corporate lesson 3:
The sales representative, the clerk and the manager of the company go
to have lunch together. Along the way they find an old oil lamp. They rub it and
a Gin appears inside. “I will fulfill one wish of each of you” –
he says. “Me first! Me first!” – the clerk jumps – “I want to be on
The Bahamas, to drive a jet, without being interested in anything”. Poof! And she disappeared.
“Now I! Now I!” – shouts the sales representative – “I want to be in Hawaii,
to relax on the beach with a personal masseur, an endless supply of cocktails and love
of my life”. Poof! And he disappeared. “Its your turn” – said Gina to
the manager. “I want these two back in the jobs after the end of
lunch break” – he replied.
Business lesson: Always leave the first word to the boss.
Corporate lesson 4:
The raven sat on the tree all day, without doing anything. The rabbit asked him –
“Can I, like you, sit and do nothing all day??”.
“Of course, why not” – the raven replied. And so, the rabbit sat on the ground and
you rested. He fell asleep, a fox jumped out of the bushes and ate it.
Business lesson: To sit without doing anything, you have to be on high
Corporate lesson 5:
The turkey was talking to the bull. “How I want to fly and land on this tree”
– he sighed – “but I don't have enough energy to fly so hard with my wings”.
“Why don't you bite some of my feces” – suggested the bull – “they are strong
energy and food”. The turkey leaned over one of his piles and
not long after discovered, that the bull is right – he already had energy and managed to reach
the lowest branch of the tree. On the next day, after eating since
the miraculous mixture, he landed on the upper branch.
Finally, a few days later, the turkey proudly flaunted and made a noise from
the top of the tree. He was soon spotted by the farmer, who downloaded it with
one shot of his rifle.
Business lesson: Shit numbers can get you to the top, but not to you
help you stay there.
Corporate lesson 6:
In Africa, the gazelle wakes up every morning with a thought, that he must outrun
the fastest lion, to stay alive. Every morning the lion wakes up with the thought, that
he must outrun the slowest gazelle, so as not to die of starvation.
Business lesson: It doesn't matter if you are a gazelle or a lion: when the sun rises,
you better get up, to get ahead of others.
Corporate lesson 7:
A man is staying in a hotel in Australia. There is a computer in the room and he decides to
send an email to your wife. However, he accidentally mistaken the address without
realize the mistake he sends the letter. At the same time somewhere in Houston,
a widow returns from her husband's funeral. The widow decides to be
check emails for letters from relatives and acquaintances. After reading
the first letter, she falls unconscious. The widow's son ran to
the room, finds his mother on the floor and glances at the screen, on which it is written: To:
my loving wife Tema: I arrived Date: 7-my september, 2005 r. I know, that
you will be surprised to hear me. And here they have computers already, and you can send
letters to your loved ones. I just arrived and stayed here. I see, that
everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. I can not wait to see you!
I hope your trip is also smooth, like mine.
Postpis: It's damn hot down here!
Business lesson: be sure, that communication takes place between
the right sides. Otherwise, the results may not match
Corporate lesson 8:
Johnny wanted to fuck a girl in his office… But she had
friend… One day Johnny couldn't stand it, went to her and offered: “I will
dam 1000 dollars if you let me fuck you”. But the girl cut him off:
“NO WAY!”. Johnny said: “I'll be quick, I will throw the money on the floor, you
you will bend down, and I will be done before you stand up”. She thought about
moment and said, that he should consult with his friend… She called
boyfriend and told him about the case. The boy answered her “Ask him 2000
dollars, collect the money very quickly, he won't even be able to take it off
pants!” Yes, that the girl agreed and accepted the offer. Her friend
he waited half an hour for her to call. Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting he and
called and asked her what had happened. She answered him “The bastard threw
Business lesson: Always consider all aspects of a business proposal
before you agree and get fucked.
Corporate lesson 9:
When the body was created, all parts of him wanted to be the Boss.
The brain said: “I have to be the boss, because I control all the functions
on the body”. The legs said: “We have to be bosses, because we
we carry the brain around, where he asked”. The hands said: “We must be
bosses, because we do all the work and make money.” And so on
was the heart, lung, eyes, until finally the ass wanted to be the boss.
All the parts started laughing at the idea. Then the ass was blocked and
refused to work. After a while, his eyes began to close, hands
became paralyzed, legs numb, heart and lungs dropped in
panic, and the brain fell into a fever. In the end, everyone decided, that
the ass has to be the boss and things are over. They did all the parts
your work, while the Boss just sat and threw out the trash
Business lesson: You don't have to be a brain, to be a boss – any ass can
Corporate lesson 10:
A swallow was flying south, but the cold overtook her and she froze to death,
she fell into a wide field. A cow passed through the field and shit on it
the bird. The stool warmed the swallow, she recovered and rejoiced
she began to tweet… A passing cat heard her tweet
following the sound, took the bird out of the cow shit and ate it.
1. Not everyone, who showers you with shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone, who takes you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're stuck in shit to the throat, don't tweet too much.